Trying the Knot Read online

  At the time, he'd been worried about his position on the ranch. Garrett had taken him in and practically raised him along with his own boys, but Jackson was always aware that his position was tenuous. There was no blood tie, no familial tie, just the word of a good man that he was welcome. If Jackson wronged the youngest daughter, he doubted he would have been welcome. He also wasn't completely comfortable with the fact that she was his best friend's kid sister and he was several years older.

  Emily hadn't had as much interest in the ranch as the other kids, she was too focused on her grades, but she'd hung around enough to be a part of the group. Jackson had been very careful in the way he'd interacted with her. Friendly, but not too friendly. She needed to be older. Though there were only six years between them, when you're younger it feels like such a gulf. Over the years, though, they'd become closer than ever. Jackson took her gentle looks and soft accidental touches, basking in them because he'd never felt them before. Then, one night, standing under a heavy moon, she'd leaned up and kissed him. She’d been seventeen then. It had been the kiss of a virgin, searching and inquisitive. Jackson had stood stoically, doing his best not to respond, but it was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his young life.

  The next night when she'd come to the paddock and kissed him again, he hadn't been able to deny himself any longer. He kissed her back, being sure to keep it as cool as possible. It hadn't stayed like that though. Over the next two weeks things had heated up until she'd arrived one night and he'd kissed her the way a woman needed kissed, then let her go. But she came to the paddock bathed in moonlight again the next night. And the next. And he'd been helpless not to show up to meet her.

  Jackson was only so strong and it hadn't been long before they'd slept together, two young hearts learning the ways of their bodies. Jackson had taken the best care of her he could, making sure she found her release over and over again. But though he'd taken careful steps to protect his heart, something about her had drawn him back again and again. Before long they were in love, practically attached at the hip. Jackson worked the ranch with one eye on the main house, waiting for her to appear every afternoon.

  Their relationship hadn't stayed secret long, but Jackson had done his best to stay respectful with Garrett. Then had come the day when Garrett had pulled him aside. "Are you dating my daughter?" he'd demanded.

  Jackson had swallowed heavily, fearing that he was about to be turned away from the only home he'd ever known. "Yes, sir," he'd admitted. He remembered how he had sucked in a breath and straightened his spine, waiting for a fist to fall at his daring. But it hadn't happened.

  "I think you'd be good for her," Garrett had said, resettling his hat on his head. "Be sure to get that steer from the far paddock back with the herd. He's been babied enough."

  Jackson could remember the scene like it had happened yesterday, though it had been eleven years ago now. He'd told Emily about her father, and she'd nodded. "He would love to marry me off."

  "I don't think it's a bad idea," he'd admitted.

  Jackson hadn't expected to find anything like what he'd found with Emily, so her response had felt like a knife to the gut. "Oh, I'm not getting married for years. I have to get through college and get my business degree, then I'll think about starting a family."

  Her face had been shining with enthusiasm and he'd shoved down the hurt, feeling betrayed. But sharp Emily had seen the look. "I'm sorry, Jackson. I have to see what I can become in this world. The ranch is not for me."

  Again, whether she'd meant to or not, she had gutted him. He couldn't imagine doing anything other than ranching and training horses. It was everything that appealed to him, being outside under the boiling sun, working with animals and going to bed tired and satisfied after a hard day’s work. It was what the spirit guided him to do.

  That conversation was how their bargain had come around.

  "You doing okay, Jackson?"

  Blinking, he looked at Chad. How long had he been staring at Emily, trying to get her to look at him? How long had he been remembering the past?

  "I'm fine," he said, lying through his teeth.

  Chad seemed to sense all wasn't well, because he gave him a sad smile. "Why don't you go talk to her?"

  Why didn't he? "Because I want to yell, right now. Watching all of you with your families is hard," he admitted. Only with such a close friend would he ever admit such a shameful thing.

  Chad nodded, looping the beach towel over his shoulders. "I can understand that. I don't think she's leaving till tomorrow, so you have some time."

  Tomorrow. Less than twenty-four hours. Gritting his teeth, he turned away, heading for a lone chair.

  His restless nature wouldn't allow him to be still though. And the knowledge that Emily was leaving tomorrow, in spite of the closeness they shared, was like a burr under a saddle pad. It chafed like no other sensation.

  If he was under this much duress, she deserved to be too.

  Pushing up from the chair he walked across the ground, the fine rocks and sand accommodating the soles of his bare feet. Though he hadn't gone swimming with the rest of the group, he had made himself comfortable by shucking his boots and socks and stripping down to his tank top. When he sank down beside her on the bank, she looked up in surprise, and her gaze seem to be caught by the sight of his bare skin. Deliberately, he let his arm brush her own as he folded his legs beneath himself.

  "Are you going to swim?"

  She shook her head, letting her hair fall to hide her eyes. "I'll let them enjoy it."

  Jackson thought as much, but he was disappointed. "I was hoping to see you in your bikini."

  Her face jerked up and color washed over her cheeks. "You would!" she laughed. "I wore a one-piece today anyway. You still would have been disappointed."

  "Never," he told her firmly. "The hint of a woman's body is sometimes more enticing than bare skin."

  And it was true. Thoughts of Emily’s curvy body had woken him many nights in the years since she’d left. Cradling her to him last night would only feed more fantasies.

  Her gaze flickered, landed on his arm again so close to her, and jerked away. "Mm," she hummed.

  Jackson knew he was well-built, tall and strong like his grandfather, and he remembered the feel of Emily's slender fingers as she glided her hands over his skin. She'd told him that the burnt-caramel smoothness entranced her.

  Jackson leaned close enough to her that she surely felt him, and she looked up again. "What do you want, Jackson?"

  He lifted a brow at her in censure. "You know what I want."

  Her lips tightened and she shook her head, straightening her position. "It's not going to happen. I'm engaged."

  "I know nothing of the sort. If anything, you're engaged to me. That city man is just a delaying tactic."

  She drew back, her mouth open in affront. "Jackson! No, he's not. Neil is a career-driven, intelligent man. We'll build a beautiful life together. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you need to get used to the idea. Yes, we had a wild, passionate affair when we were younger, but that's over now. The bargain we made was cute at the time, but not practical."

  Jackson refused to let her see the hurt that rolled though him. Affair? Their relationship had been passionate and absorbing, and when she left, he’d considered it no more than a pause. There was no thought that she wouldn't return to him someday. "Do your knees weaken when he kisses you, like yours did last night when I kissed you?"

  Her telling eyes flickered and she looked away. He drew a fingertip beneath the length of her arm and watched as gooseflesh raised the hairs on her skin. She shuddered with awareness.

  "Stop it, Jackson."

  "If you react like this to me, are you sure you're with the right man?"

  She turned to look at him, finally, and Jackson felt bad about the tears in her eyes, but this was too important to sugarcoat.

  "Neil isn't like you," she said softly, "I agree, but he's a good man. We're going to build a life together."r />
  "Like we had planned to do?"

  Jackson let the silence stretch until she looked away. "People change, Jackson. We were kids when we made that agreement."

  "I've lived my life under the assumption that that you would be back when we agreed. You are Garrett Lowell's child, after all. You family has an excellent reputation for being true to their word. Are you going to be the first to break that?"

  Her skin colored furiously and she pushed to her feet. "I'm not doing this with you, Jackson. We're done. I didn't pick you, so I understand why you're pissed, but that doesn't give you the right to question my honor."

  With a furious turn, she stormed up the bank and through the line of trees. Jackson debated for just a moment before following. She was tightening the girth on her mare when he gently turned her around. There were fresh tears in her eyes, but he thought it was because she was mad now. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings," he told her softly, "but I planned on a very different life by now. You know?"

  She nodded. "I understand that. But people change. I'm not the lovesick girl I used to be, and I don't think you're the man you used to be either."

  Jackson didn't contradict her. He could see in her eyes that she was pulling away. Desperate to stop her, he reached out to cup the side of her head and pull her to him. Emily didn't say anything, as if she were humoring him one last time.

  That sparked Jackson's anger, and he pulled her mouth to his own. Her gasp was satisfying, but it wasn't everything. He wanted her to lose herself in him. Jackson angled his head against hers, letting his tongue slip into the depths of her mouth. Emily moaned quietly, her fists curling into the cotton of his tank.

  Jackson knew she would be aggravated about this later, and it might actually alienate her altogether, but he just couldn't help himself. It had been so long since they'd been together.

  A shudder rolled through her, and she gasped in a breath. "We can't do this, Jackson, please."

  He pressed kisses down the side of her neck, nipping at the thin skin over her throbbing carotid. Emily's hands moved up to cup his head to her and she pulled his mouth back up to her own. Then she seemed to realize what she'd done and she froze.

  Jackson knew he'd lost her before she even pulled away. It was stupid of him to even try to coerce her.

  With a final long inhale against her hair, he let her go and stood straight.

  Emily blinked up at him, her eyes dazed.

  The horse snorted behind her and she jerked, coming back to herself. Before his eyes, her entire demeanor chilled.

  This time when she pulled away he let her go.

  Chapter Four

  Emily knew that what she was doing was cowardly, but she had to get off the Blue Star.

  As she shoved both clean and dirty clothes into her suitcase, she thought about what she would tell her mother. And Daddy. Oh, Daddy would be upset with her. The bridesmaids were all supposed to have a meeting about the wedding but it was going to have to happen without her. Her sanity would not allow her to stay.

  Jackson was six feet three inches of walking temptation. When she'd been a girl he'd been her first crush and not much had changed over the years. All men had been measured against him.

  Her lifestyle had changed though. The advertising company she managed was not a job she could just call in. She had to be present and at the top of her game for everything she did to work. It was vital to keep her finger on the pulse of Houston. Every move their company made had to be run through her.

  The screen door slammed downstairs and Emily jumped, then cursed her nerves. She waited, holding her breath, to hear who had entered the house until her curiosity got the better of her. She stuck her head out of the room in time to see Cheyenne coming up the stairs. She let out a relieved breath.

  Cheyenne spotted her and frowned. "What the heck are you doing?"

  Emily went back into the room and then into the adjoining bathroom. She began throwing her toiletries into the square case she carried for them, not caring that her make-up was now mixed in with her hair products. She could sort them all then she got home.

  "I'm leaving," she admitted.

  "Jackson?"

  Her fingers fumbled what they were doing. "Maybe."

  Cheyenne sighed as she sank to the edge of the bed. "Oh, Emily. You know he's not going to change."

  Emily did know that actually, it was why she was leaving, but she didn't point that out to her sister. "I can't stay. It's not right to Neil for me to be here without him."

  Cheyenne watched as she returned to the bed with the toiletry case and stowed it into the suitcase, packing shoes around it. "Where are Mama and Daddy?"

  Cheyenne stared at her for a long moment. "They're in the barn with the kids. One of the hands got Taco out to show to the younger kids."

  Emily nodded. They would love that. She needed to stop and see the old pony one of these days. It had been a long time since she'd had a moment with him.

  "Em..." Cheyenne started, but Emily waved a hand.

  "I can't be here, Cheyenne. I love you. Email me whatever you guys decide about the dresses and I'll order one in Houston."

  "You can't keep avoiding him, and what you had together," Cheyenne told her firmly.

  Emily jerked to a stop, her heart clutching painfully. "I've promised Neil I would marry him."

  "Didn't you promise Jackson first?"

  Scowling, Emily shook her head. "That was a childhood game, a flirtation, nothing more."

  Cheyenne stood and Emily was forced to look up at her older sister. There was a sad smile on her lips. "I know you want to discount what happened back then, but to everyone around you it sure looked real, and to Jackson it was real. Of the four of us, we thought that you were going to be the first to marry. You two together were something special."

  Shaking her head, she looked down at her feet. "We want different things, Cheyenne. I can't be the good little housewife he wants."

  Cheyenne tilted her head, looking at her strangely. "Has Jackson ever said he wanted a housewife? I don't remember ever hearing that come up."

  Emily blinked. Had he ever articulated it that way? She wracked her brain trying to remember, but nothing came to mind. "It doesn't matter. I love my job in Houston and I can't imagine changing it, and Jackson would never leave the ranch for me, so we're at an impasse."

  Reaching out, Cheyenne wrapped her in her arms as Emily wiped her streaming eyes.

  * * *

  Jackson knew she was gone as soon as he rode into the barn lot. It wasn't any physical thing he saw or heard, he just felt the lack of her presence. It shattered his heart. Again.

  He should be used to her disregard by now, but it hurt all the same. For years he had been waiting for her to return to him, but she hadn't even tried. All of his wild insecurities from childhood tried to overwhelm him, but he tamped them down.

  Jackson helped the guests dismount and instructed them on how to shake out the cramps in their legs. Some of these people had never ridden before but they had good energy, and were willing to try. Chad led them into the barn and showed them how to put the horses away. Jackson didn't interrupt, just helped where needed. And when the barn was finally quiet he sank down onto a hay bale in the aisle, head tilted back against the stall. That was where Cheyenne found him a few minutes later.

  "You know?" she asked softly.

  "Yes. I know."

  She sank onto the bale beside him, leaning her shoulder into his own. "I'm sorry, Jackson. I don't know what to tell you about her. She frustrates the hell out of me."

  Jackson smiled at the curse word. The elementary school teacher didn't curse very often, even when she was at her wit’s end with her own little red haired heathens. "You couldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I expected her to leave. In her defense, I was pushing her pretty hard, and her honor demanded that she remove herself from the situation. I’m sure Emily considered leaving the less hurtful solution for everyone involved."

  Cheyenne sn
orted. "Yeah, you're probably right. You know she'll be back for the wedding."

  "I know," he confirmed, "but I'm not willing to wait that long."

  She looked at him brows raised, but he shook his head, preferring to keep his plans to himself. There was too much riding on him getting everything right.

  So, he turned the subject to Sheridan and the girls. "So, how is cohabitating going?"

  Cheyenne grinned a sly grin. "It's going very well," she admitted.

  Jackson could see the happiness in her eyes and it made him happy for her. Cheyenne had been without companion or care for a long time. That was why he was happy for her. Anyone who saw the way Sheridan doted on her would see they were deeply in love. It gave Jackson hope that if Cheyenne could get it together that he might be able to as well.

  "What do the girls think of all this?"

  Cheyenne leaned back against the stall wall. "They're in love with both Sheridan and Olivia, and nuts about his dog. Even our dog Daisy and his Beowulf get along great. It's gone more seamlessly than I ever could have imagined. I really feel like I'm in a fairytale."

  He gave her a smile. "I'm very happy for you."

  "I'm happy for us too," she admitted.

  One of the hands called him away after that, and with a wave he left Cheyenne. Her eyes were a little sad as she waved him goodbye.

  Chapter Five

  It was two weeks before his plan was ready to be implemented. When he approached Brock, the other man was understandably upset. They'd been together a long time. Jackson tried to explain that it wasn't any discontent on the ranch itself that was urging him away, but discontent with the situation with Emily. Brock seemed to understand for the most part, because he was currently head over heels and lost in Payton.